That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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