Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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