The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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