I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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