i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I party with great urgency now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
