im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
