if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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