My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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