OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
