yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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