I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
