i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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