I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
