You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
