My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
