I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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