I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
how drunk are you?
Several
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
