i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
