even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
