I'm really into asian looking animals
I think I died a long time ago.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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