so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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