At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
