Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
