Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
