Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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