well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
