And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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