he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
