moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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