So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
