guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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