Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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