I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
