You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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