i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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