Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You are the jesus of drinking
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
