70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
