Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
