another moral hangover. fuck.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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