his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
In America we eat man semen.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
