Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
