If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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