Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
