69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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