whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
