now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
