You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
