Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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