I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
