I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
