Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
