you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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